Thursday, December 18, 2008


I'm tormenting myself at every step...What next? I'll turn into a devout believer? It's so tortuous not having control over life and death, sickness and health, well being and peace of mind...I need to get out of this sick cycle of punishment-and-reward...I can't enjoy/feel good about a fucking thing without being paralysed in fear about repurcussions...Yes, now let me be struck down by the lightning bolt, now that i have said it, but for godssake leave alone mine...This has got out of fucking control

1 comment:

precisely said...

calm down. don't blame yourself. i feel exactly like you do. punishment and reward, good days necessarily followed by bad ones..fear of the's really screwed up, finding yourself sinking into that crazy superstition.
but relax now.don't get so worked up.
we need to go out one day - talk and chill out.yes?